The Simmons-Tweed Clan (Credit: A&E TV)
Gene Simmons: Family Jewels might be the best reality TV show you aren’t watching. Personally, I’m hooked on the shenanigans of the Tweed-Simmons clan (or Simmons-Tweed depending upon who you’re listening to). Sophie, Nick, Shannon and Gene are a loving and highly functional family. They handle their hectic, crazy lives with humor and grace for the most part.
The best moments of the series occur when the family interacts. This week, for some weird reason, A&E decided to focus on Gene’s persona as a love machine. The man who’s claimed to have bedded almost 5,000 women takes time out of his busy life to help his business partner’s nephew. The poor young man has only had sex with one woman in his entire life, his ex-wife, Martha.
He caught the gal in bed with another guy. He’s depressed and lonely. However, he believes that sex shouldn’t exist without love. Gene is trying to teach him otherwise.
In order to do this, Gene hooks the less-than-smooth dude up with a bunch of adult film stars and even takes him to an adult film convention. After learning that the boy didn’t close the deal with the ‘gals’ he procured for him, Gene decides to take him to a sex therapist and gets chewed out for his dysfunctional view of intimacy by the therapist herself.
While Gene’s getting a tongue-lashing, Todd, his ‘young ward’, chats up the therapist’s cute receptionist and gets a date all by his lonesome.
The show was funny, poignant and insightful, a great reality romp even without the family. Of course, the intermittent commentary by Shannon, Nick and Sophie was hysterical. It also proves two things we knew all along: one, rock stars have it easy when it comes to picking up chicks and two, Gene talks a big game but is still a sap for Shannon and his babies.
New episodes of Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels air on AETV Sunday nights at 9pm ET.